Angry because your partner just won’t change? Try a fresh approach.

Aaron and MaryAaron and Mary have been married 23 years. She is often angry. He is a very gentle soul who has a lifestyle admired by many. He has a lot of money, he “works” by playing golf 2-3 times a week while courting new clients, he has a gorgeous loyal wife and two beautiful…

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How To Deal With a Passive-Aggressive Partner

HOW TO DEAL WITH A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PARTNER Husband- When I got mad at you, you never fight back, How do you control your anger?Wife- I clean the toilet.Husband-How does that help?Wife- I use your toothbrush As this little vignette illustrates, passive-aggression is a way to get even at someone behind their back, often without…

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Anger, Elephants, and My Late Father

My 94 year old father with whom I have always had a rocky, angry relationship recently died. At his memorial service in a small Midwestern town, I had an eye-opening experience. The room was filled with people who talked about how loving and giving my father was. About how humorous he was and how much…

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New Discernment Counseling for Couples On the Brink

Up to 40% of people who divorce wish they hadn’t done so. Yet, many of these people say they tried “everything”,including couples therapy, but to no avail. Why doesn’t couples therapy,even done by experienced and competent therapists prevent breakup more of the time? One reason is that both partners and the therapist often don’t have…

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Can Personal Values Differences Destroy a Relationship?

You bet they do. Often the seeds of destruction are in the relationship the moment you meet even though it my take many years for it to actually die. Famous marital researcher Dr John Gottman teaches and trains therapists as follows: “It’s a myth that if you solve your problems you’ll automatically be happy. We…

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Road Rage In Reverse. An Act of Kindness

This is a personal story. Yesterday I was tooling down the 405 freeway in Southern California when suddenly I heard a loud pop which I assumed belong to another vehicle. I was in the center lane of a very crowded freeway and suddenly realized that the bang was coming from MY car. A blowout! Behind…

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Successful Couples Repair Conflict

Let’s face it. All couples fight. In successful relationships as well as others. Having fights is not necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed to failure. If all couples fight, What then makes the difference between successful vs unsuccessful relationships? Simply put, one major difference is having the skills and ability to repair the…

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Couples Conflict – The Dance of Anger

Jim and Sally have been married for 10 years. They argue so much that friends invite them for dinner a lot because they provide the evening’s entertainment with their bickering and constant conflict. Their arguments are over many of the same issues over and over again. They just seem to trigger angry responses in each…

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Defensiveness Can Destroy Relationships

How would you describe a “defensive” person? To me, a defensive person is always blocking other people, like a defensive back on a football team. Keeping them out. Not letting them get close. Not letting others influence them in any way. Defensive people are poor listeners because while you are talking they are preparing their…

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